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Dante's hell...aka phone banking

ring ring

Dead voice: we have a tie up with an insurance company so please waste your phone time and listen us while I drone on

Sultry machine voice....welcome to Big International Bank, please enter your account number followed by hash brown potatoes


SMV Please enter your date of birth in .... format

me: done

SMV Sorryyyyy I can't recognise your date of birth, please enter your date of birth

me: done

SMV Sorryyyyyyy I can't recognise your DOB

Confused Voice: Sir this is Jane Singh how can I help you

Me: I want a change of address

CV: Please verify your pin number on the phone.

me: done

CV: Oh sorry our system is not working today. Please answer the following questions. 1 what is the specific gravity of hydrogen 2 How was the thrid person to climb Mount Everest 3 What was your mother's vavourite maiden snack 4 What is your overdraft limit

Me: what is an over draft limit?

CV: sir, that's the wrong answer. Please call again

Me: But I need to change my address

CV: Please call again

Me: but I typed in my DOB, your system is not showing it

CV: That is not possible the automated voice doesn't ask for DOB

Me: But it does

CV: It doesn't

Me: It did too

CV: No it doesn't

Me: Ok let me verify my pin

CV: Sir our pin verifying system is down, please call again

Me: But I need to change my address

CV: Sir I can open a term deposit for you for 300 days at 7 per cent

Me: But I need to change my address

CV: sorry please call again


Did this really happen to me? Did I just hallucinate with back ache and fever pills hitting me from all sides? Is this a nightmare?

End of story... I lost my temper and yelled "are you a bank or a cattle shop!"

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